I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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