We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
