i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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