who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
