He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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