im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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