Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
