I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
