I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
