it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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