erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
