Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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