well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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