i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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