I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
