From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
