i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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