i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
