Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
