new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
