Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
