Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
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