Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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