I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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