...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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