It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
