so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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