Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
