He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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