My room smells like vodka and shame
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
