Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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