i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
