Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
