I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She's the barista slut.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
