did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
