i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
