it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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