An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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