i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
