how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Every concussion has its silver lining
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
