So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
