At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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