my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
