He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I need to calm my uterus...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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