I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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