Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
