you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
