I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
