i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
