One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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