There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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