So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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