I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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