her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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