Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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