She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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