So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize
