you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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