Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just blew my weed a kiss
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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