here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
