Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
These tits shall not be calmed
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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