I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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