Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
