I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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