When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm getting married
To pizza
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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