Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
