as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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